In the Mind off
by Isilwen of Lorien
Summary: Ever wondered what goes on in the characters heads? Well this is a quick fic to try and explain. Chapter one is Ayame. It's not long so you might as well just read it, who knows you may find you like it!


**In the Mind of the Snake**  
(Ayame Souma)

**Quick Explanation:** This is what i THINK Ayame thinks in his head. You may or may not agree. This is just my view. If you can't handle that, go away. If you read it and deside that YOUR view is DIFFERENT to my view. That is fine. As long as you don't flame me. Sorry if this sounds mean. I'm just sick of stupid flames. (not that i have that many) where somebody goes on at me and i've already said it may not be EXACTLY the same as whatever. Anyway, i promised an explanation. Ayame thinks stuff. That good enougth for you? No? TOUGTH!!! MWAHAHAHA

Snake. I only need to mention the word and people are afraid. Some are filled with suspicion or disgust but always at the back of there mind, is the primal fear of snakes. I can't say I blame them, and I am the snake. Humans always fear the unknown. So a few snakes are deadly enough to kill a man. It's not many. Yet humans generalise to every species of snake, and fear them all. Survival instinct I guess that or stupidity. Now can you see why I have to keep it a secret? If people knew my true form… I dread to think what they would do.

Off course not all humans hate snakes, some admire, respect even worship. But trust? No even they do not trust a snake. They can't trust me. Because of what I am. They don't care what I'm like inside. They don't care about what I actually do. They see a snake and are filled with suspicion. Just like the rest.

Do you know what it's like to be hated before even being given a chance? Do you know what it's like to be feared? It's horrible. So I keep it a secret. I'm not a snake I'm a man. Sometimes I even fall for it myself, for awhile. I'm accepted as a human until they find out I'm also a snake.

I try so hard to be accepted. It's all I want. Even my own brother doesn't trust me. You'd think I'd done something terrible. I guess I have in a way, I've turned into a snake. But still… you'd think my brother would understand, after all he's the rat. But no he hates me. Just like all the rest. Maybe more.

Cold blooded. That's what I am. What do you think when you here that? "cold blooded killer"? I wouldn't be surprised. Cold Blooded, a lack of emotions. Then why do I feel love, kindness, passion? It's got nothing to do with being cold blooded. That's why. Yet people can't understand that. Too them being cold blooded is bad. Evil even.

I have two close friends but only one understands. Shigure may like me, but only because he's the dog. The dog likes everyone. It's the dragon who can relate to me. And I to him. We're both feared and judged before being given a chance.

I hide my emotions well, behind a façade. The surface is not the real me. It never really has been. I have to hide my real self so they won't know the truth. So they don't know I'm the snake. If I keep talking they might not realise who I am. I talk to cover up the truth. I'll say anything to hide the real me. Maybe that's why people can't trust me, because I never show the real me. I can't show them, they'd hate me. So I talk to cover up the pain within my heart.

I can talk about anything really. Except being a snake. Then I don't say anything at all. Who cares what they think? As long as they don't know the truth. Who am I kidding. I care. I wouldn't hide my real identity if I didn't. So I hide behind a constant stream of meaningless words. Even I don't know what I'm saying sometimes. Yet people agree with me regardless. Better to agree than admit you don't understand. Nobody wants to be thought of as stupid. Except me. I wouldn't mind been thought as stupid. Better than being feared. Better than being a snake.

Don't get me wrong. I love being the snake. I just don't like what others think about me when they know. You can't trust the snake. It's responsible for all the pain in this world. A symbol of everything that's evil. At least that's what the bible makes out. And the bible is the truth. Who cares if it isn't! If it says "hate the snake" then hate the snake people will. But what about the snake? What has it ever done wrong. Oh yeah I forgot. It exists. That's what it's done wrong. What I've done wrong. Exist.

But doesn't the snake have to exist. Humans need someone to blame. They can't blame themselves now can they? No blame the snake. Blame me. I'm responsible for everything wrong in the world. Great. Thanks for telling me. I'll keep that in mind. Next time I help a lost kid find it's mother, or help an old lady cross the road. I'm evil. Yet I continue being a nice guy. At least underneath. In my heart I know I'm not evil.

So how do I appear on the surface? I've called many things. Talkative, annoying, someone to look up to. But that's not who I am. I don't say a word about things that matter. And who would look up to the snake if they knew?

I've tried everything to cover up who I am. I think it's working. But it hurts that I need to hide. It hurts every time somebody says something cruel about a snake. It hurts when people find out the truth and hide. It hurts….. It hurts so much.

Why do I have to hide? Why can't I just be me? Why can't I be accepted for who I am? Maybe someday…. Maybe someday I won't need to hide. Maybe I could be accepted. Is that too much to ask.

I look up into the night sky and pray. Pray for acceptance. Then I remember. There is one person. One person who knows the truth and accepts me fully. No matter what. I call that person Ayame, because that person is me….

At least it's a start………

**Author's note: So did you like? Should i do more? Read any of my old story and DESPERATE for an update? Then just review and say. Any comments are acceped. Though if yoru flaming, please use your brain first. Also if you want another one please state a spercific character. Though Kyo, Ritsu and Haru are all firm favourites of mine. I spent hours trying to decided who i liked most. In the end i just decided to stay loyal to my year!!! (Haru). anyway this has nothing to do with anything so i'll stop and finish my other story. (Which i'll put up sometime in the next week). **


End file.
